BBC Radio 4 The Food Programme: How important is your sense of smell/taste?

Do you think it would be simply an annoyance if you lost your  ability to smell or taste your world? Would you simply get used to it and go about your daily life again? Think again: your sense of smell permeates each and every moment of your life, from smelling the grass on a lovely day or the rain on a miserable one, your doggies muddy fur, your husbands warm embrace, the sweet milky smell of your baby or the lovely life-long smell of your grown child.

And THATS not even addressing the sweet smells and tastes of food, and perfumes, and flavours. A world without the richness of smelling, the ripe wealth of tastes? Its almost impossible to imagine. At least it WAS something I couldn’t even think of.

And then, nearly two years ago I was crossing the street when suddenly i was flying in the sky, seared with pain. I was hit by Mercedes SUV at speed.  I flew up and up and up and up, and landed down very fast. And very hard. And when I hit the ground, it was my head that hit first.

The good news is that I didn’t die; nor was I paralyzed.  The bad news grabbed me when I tried to eat: nothing had any taste/smell. My world was empty.

AND i was being bombarded by smells that weren’t there. Smoke. Poison. Straw. plastic (as in Barbie gone evil). and a few others. They are phantoms of smells.

Its been two years but I still struggle; my life is nearly unbearable when the phantoms are frequent and strong. I wake up many/most nights by a sense of horrible smell: smoke. Gas. are they real? is there a gas leak? on airplanes I smell smoke, fumes: are they real? should i panic?Last week I put down a cup of coffee and left the room a moment; when i returned i smelled not coffee, but smoke; and it smelled familiar; “Bacon”!!!! was what i suddenly smelled.

During the last 2 years I’ve spent most of my time working hard–physical therapy, psychological counseling and cognitive behavioural therapy for the post traumatic stress and nightmares, and dealing with the shocking loss of the very essence of my life: my pleasure of tasting and smelling, and the resulting talent and skills for making a living: writing cookbooks, columns, and broadcasting. I’ve also worked steadily, every moment  at trying to rebuild my ability to taste; often i feel bereft, and wonder whose life i am in and where my own delicious life has gone? Some tastes are better, some are nearly there, but usually when i think they are nearly there i often get a shock and realize that i’m missing so much. And I must work very hard at putting together various elements of taste instead of just appreciating them, as most people do. Smells and tastes morph when i’m cooking into something that smells good to others but to me, smells horrific. Its confusing. In other words: its heartbreaking.  I just want my life back.

Taste and smells are THAT important.

Listen to BBC Radio 4 The Food Programme this Sunday, 17 March 12.30 and rebroadcast the next day, Monday at 3.30. As a guest, I tell my story and explore with the team taste/smell–cheese at Neals Yard, Coffee at Freestate Cafe with Jeremy Torz, and jelly beans (The Jelly Bean Test) with Professor Barry C. Smith at The University of London.